Ethan’s POV Chapters

“I knew I was treading dangerous waters,” Ethan sighed. “To pursue a person under your employment is incredibly cliche and I never flirted, not once in all my years. But if you would have seen the way she moved while she thought she was alone…” His voice trailed off as he was lost in thought. “The sway of her hips, the way her knees bent as she moved, even her hair was flying loose and free from its signature bun… it truly was an enchanting sight.”

“At any point in your interaction were you worried about her pressing charges against you for sexual harassment?”

Ethan sighed.

“Normally I wouldn’t have even considered a dalliance with anyone working for me, let alone come on so strongly to anyone. Not at first, mind you. But she looked at me with those eyes that I’d get lost in and I was truly… lost.

“She would flutter those eyelashes and act shy and subdued until something caught her off-guard and then I’d see it.”

“See what?”

Ethan’s hands rubbed together as he looked down at them.

“The little brat that needed to be played with beneath the little sub that longed to be asserted over, dominated and protected. She’d flash that smile or say something sassy and it flared my temper in the best way around her.

“Through that day’s interaction I went through a series of emotions that left my head spinning. I wanted to hold her in my arms in any way, every way possible. Then, to feel her body move with mine, to have her trust me explicitly as we danced with her eyes closed. I wanted this girl, this woman in the most carnal way imaginable the second I felt her fire as she received her phone call. That passion she kept hidden beneath that control took my breath away.

“It was carnal, all desire for her until my injury.” Ethan looked down at the faint scar on his hand, tracing it gently with the pad of his finger.

“She held me so gently, tended to me though I was perfectly capable of dealing with my own mistake, as I had with so many before her. It was a wonder, the change in her. At first, she was timid, trembling at my words, cowering deliciously at my dominance in a way a practiced sub would. Then it happened and in a flash I saw the woman who sacrificed everything to care for her mother, her father, her friend.

“No one dared take control like that with me,” Ethan explained. “She became more than a target for my pleasure in that instant. She exposed even more hidden layers; the woman beneath the brat beneath the sub. The instinctive tenderness of knowing her place. Right then, in my mind, she became everything I could have ever wanted in a life partner at that moment, holding my hand.”

“Are you suggesting this was the moment you felt an infatuation?”

Ethan chuckled.

“If you would have asked me right then I would have said I was struck by the bow of Eros. Christ,” he leaned back and threw his head against the cushion behind his head. “Petunia challenged me to be patient when I normally would have done everything in my power to have her immediately. I needed to learn everything about her, do everything to protect her, to soothe her hurt and make her feel safe whenever I was around.

“She was perfect.”

“The trouble with thinking someone is perfect is they inevitably tumble from the pedestal you place them upon,” offered the doctor.

“Yeah. She didn’t. Not ever. Not even when I thought she did, I’d come to find out I was the one in the wrong, not her. Never her.” The despair bled in Ethan’s voice.

The doc sat silent for a moment before clearing his throat.

“Should we stop for the day or are you alright to continue?”

Ethan sighed.

“I fear the only way I am able to do this is to continue until there is no more to tell. I must have my advice, or sense of peace by the end of the day or I fear I shall go mad.”

“Very well. Take your time, continue when you are ready.”

“Why did you get so angry when you thought she wasn’t going to come back?” Dr. Hall asked Ethan, handing him a glass of water.

“I felt a little used, to be honest. Let’s get on the same page, here. I didn’t know anything really about her besides what I’d seen, felt, and heard. She could have played it off beautifully like a criminal mastermind, taken her money, and gone off to her next target for all I knew.

“It was that anger that made me realize I was already too close to her. Had she been just a lust target, I wouldn’t have been so possessive already.”

“What would you have done if that was the case?” asked Joseph. Ethan sighed as he studied the glass in his hand.

“I can’t answer that,” Ethan finally said. “I would have probably used all my contacts to locate and retrieve her, tie her to my bed, and keep her there till she loved me. Worst case scenario, of course,” he smirked.

“The absolute worst case, I agree,” Joseph nodded. Ethan sat up straight in his chair, pressing both elbows into his knees.

“It was the intensity of that anger though, that’s what shook me. I couldn’t say if I would be joking about the worst case. I had thought about seeking her out, in the least. She’d done something to me that day.

“And when I was informed she’d arrived, my first thought was to tan her ass for making me so upset. Then guilt. Maybe she hadn’t enjoyed our moment together like I had. It took me a moment to calm myself. I convinced myself I should at least give her a chance to explain, or something. Granted, at this point, I had no idea she knew what I’d done so any angry response would have been confusing for her, too.

“Lastly, I felt a little spiteful. I knew she was at least moderately attracted to me and if she was leaving her job with the money she’d been given, I would show her exactly what she was missing. Admittedly, it was juvenile of me to do so, but I decided to go ‘commando’ in sweatpants, knowing they barely conceal anything.” Joseph laughed and shook his head.

“But then she stepped out of the car in that little red dress. Petunia is not a delicate girl by any means. There’s no mistaking that body, enhanced with that enchanting dress, for anything other than a woman ripe for womanly things. Christ, if there’s anything I’d remember should I go senile, it would be her in that dress. I instantly regretted my own wardrobe choice, if I’m being honest,” Ethan chuckled.

“I didn’t think things could get more precarious for my resolve, then she threw her body against my own and I about took her there, on the hood of the car. Of course, I could smell the alcohol on her, but I didn’t mind terribly. She was young and smiling without restraint. It was a sight to behold, I only wish I was an artist so I may capture that moment for all eternity.”

“I’m glad you were able to keep the transaction relatively platonic, then.”

“Barely, my friend. Only barely. The entire interaction brought new insight to her, to be honest. When she admitted scouring through records for my number I couldn’t help but further admire her for her resourcefulness. She sought me out. It made me warm all over.”

“And her friend?” Joseph asked. Ethan laughed.

“A firecracker, that one. But loyal, and fierce in that loyalty. I never wanted to end up on the wrong side of her friendship, that’s for sure. And if I didn’t see that in her, I probably wouldn’t have let Petunia go out that night. I think you fail to understand just how possessive I felt for her even then. She wasn’t mine, she was under no obligation to consider listening to me about anything but I would have pulled her into the house, locked the door, and treated her to an evening with me instead. “

“Not exactly the most healthy way to start a relationship, Ethan,” Joseph said pointedly.

“I know. Believe me, I haven’t experienced this intensity before in my life,” Ethan put his head down. “Even when she left, and I watched her drive away, I wanted to call her back and tell her to stay with me.

“I literally could not get her out of my mind. I tried to, truly. I went and did paperwork but I was distracted. Finally, I had to take matters into my own hands, as it were. I apologize for being crass but even that release was not enough for me.

“I went to bed, frustrated but determined to get through until I saw her again and then my phone rang. Would you believe I considered not answering at first, it was not a number I recognized.

“And she answered on the other line. I wasn’t sure what she was saying, I couldn’t make it out with the loud music in the background and she was drunk. I worried instantly, but then…” Ethan went silent, brooding over the past events.

“Again, you can take all the time you need,” Joseph reminded him.

“Every step of the way is riddled with pain, guilt, and regret,” Ethan mumbled.

“In any and every relationship, there’s a balance. Sometimes there are good days, and bad. But in the end, if the scales are tipped more towards the good moments than the bad, the relationship is worth fighting for,” Joseph stated. Ethan looked at him, then blinked away.

“I guess I should continue and get your professional opinion on that matter,” he sat back and cleared his throat.

“I’d gone such a long time without anyone living with me, that I forgot how lonely being alone really is,” Ethan said softly. “To feel her against me, my arms wrapped around her for a night wouldn’t have been life-altering. But to feel her each night, to see her in the morning, with her hair in disarray and imperfect, her intemperate moods that came with the medication’s waxing and waning throughout her body… she was perfectly imperfect.”

“If not for the fact that I’d listened to you thus far, I would have suspected her need for you was the main attraction for you.” Joseph took a slice of pizza from the freshly delivered box and ate thoughtfully. “As it stands, you are demonstrating a surprisingly strong infatuation with a lady over a very short time. Did that concern you at all? Did it even cross your mind at all?”

Ethan looked at his friend.

“Not in the least. I learned much in those days when it was just us. I learned even more during the nights. After each ugly moment, I appreciated her strength more and more.”

“Yes, you mention strength quite frequently. If it’s only strength that is the attraction, why not anyone else? You understand everyone has strength in some form or other.”

“I’ve never encountered anyone like her. She alone showed tenacity for the positive, even in the same breath that spoke so negatively. She was an enigma. She was not so well off, yet she never asked for an ounce of help from me. The work was hard, but she refused to let anyone share the burden. She’d been through so much trauma, as I was soon to find out, but she rarely, if ever, went on about it.

“The latter, I tried with her. I wanted her to tell me everything about the person who hurt her before I met her. That stubborn streak took hold and I couldn’t get past but a snippet of what happened to her. More on that, later, of course.”

“Of course,” agreed Joseph. “So, her father passed.”

“That was a tough time for her. With her mother rarely present, she felt almost like an orphan. I grant you she was not a child, but losing a parent at any age is going to be one of the hardest things anyone could go through. Petunia seemed in a daze most hours of the day, borderline robotic. Truly, her friend being there was a godsend, she knew Petunia so well that it seemed she could read Petunia’s mind to let us, everyone, know what Petunia needed at any given point.

“Before her father died, and I mean that very morning, I found her using her crutches unassisted when I had no knowledge that she had even been practicing. I was so elated that I began to plan our future together, walking through the gardens or taking trips all around the world. So gripped in my fantasies was I that I found myself struggling not to touch her, taste her like I was already one with this amazing creature that fell into my guardianship so suddenly. I fear, had the news of her father not reached us right then, we would have engaged in at least the minimal level of intimacy.”

“And that would have been bad?”

“I’m grateful to be honest, Joe. I imagine that delay allowed me to be there for her and carry her through mourning in a way that didn’t have the added complication of our tryst.”

“Ah,” Joseph nodded, understanding.

“But a couple of weeks later, that first taste of her lips made the wait very much worth it. Her breath in mine, her touch,” Ethan sighed. “Christ, her tongue was magic. I could write sonnets of that first kiss that would rival Shakespear in its elegance.”

“And then, you left for London.”

“It was a difficult decision to make, and I had already pulled all the strings I could to delay the meeting but I was pressed to decide before the deal could slip through my fingers. The market was perfect for expansion, the smaller revenue companies were ripe for a take-over and it meant a leap of income for the business.

“All this, and it took a conversation with my father to get my mind in the right direction financially. Because I was hellbound to stay by her side, come what may.”

“Your father?” Joseph looked up from his notes.

“My very own. Most find him rather Scrooge-like, a hard businessman with his eye only on making as much money as possible. But he separated work from home and was the very best confidante a boy could have growing up. And when I told him of my dilemma, he didn’t ridicule me in any way. He just said, ‘Imagine your life five years from now, Ethan. If this girl is important enough to stick around and be a part of it, wouldn’t you want to do everything in your power to be certain of her financial security? Two weeks is almost nothing in five years, but the money these acquisitions will provide for you has the potential to be practically limitless.’ He made a fair point. Petunia cared nothing for the financial aspect of who I am, but I cared enough for her, even then, to make this trip.”

“I’m surprised you needed any consultation at all if I’m being honest with you,” Joseph smiled. “You are usually so cutthroat with business, this was a big moment for you, emotionally.”

Ethan scoffed, then smirked.

“It was a surprise to me.”

“So, you have your moment with her before you leave, but you withhold from true intimacy. Was that also a hard decision to make?” Joseph hurried to continue when Ethan looked at him curiously. “What I mean is, you’re in the heat of the moment. So what made you want to put a pin in it until your return?”

“I meant it when I said I wouldn’t have the time to give her all the attention she deserved for our first time together. I wanted to spend hours learning her body from her head to her toes with more than just a steadying hand and helping arms. I wanted to savor each kiss, each sigh, each moan… It was more than just a need for sex, is what I’m telling you. I wanted to make love to her while I tested her limits, make her cry for the best reasons possible, and then kiss those tears away before delivering another round of limit-testing sensations.”

Joseph chuckled.

“Alright, I get it. So you took your trip, which was successful, I assume?”

Ethan nodded.

“And then you came back?”

Ethan nodded again. “And then I came back.”

“Well, then,” Joseph sighed. Ethan smirked, his face flushed and eyes twinkling.

“I told you, magic. She was heroin. Once I let loose all things animalistic upon her, and as I saw how she gave it right back, I was addicted.”

“The thing about stories like this one, it’s beautiful in its intimacy. You bare your souls to one another and the commitment right then, when done right, is unbreakable.”

“It nearly broke me to hear her say the things she said about her lowered expectations of lovemaking. Each time she spoke about her previous experiences, I wanted to scrub between her ears until her memory was wiped clean of everything except us.” Joseph chuckled and nodded his head.

“The problem with that is, if she didn’t have the bad experiences to begin with, do you think she would have appreciated what you brought to the table, pardon the pun, as much as she did?”

Ethan glared at his friend, running the words over and over in his head until he huffed and looked away.

“It still stands. I despise, even now, even after she’s been gone for some time, despise the thought of pain anywhere near her,” he growled.

“Understandable. You see her as a treasure, something that should be untouched, uncracked, and unsullied.”

“Precisely!”

“But what makes a person who they are is ALL they experience. She could have gone through life happy as can be but when tragedy strikes, and it will one hundred percent of the time, what would get her through it? Pain prepares people for the next pain, that’s how it is. She wouldn’t have been as strong-willed, nor as receptive to the pleasure you brought her if she didn’t experience the bad things humanity could bring down on someone.” Joseph took a breath and waited for his friend to let the words sink in. Ethan sighed and shrugged.

“I suppose you are right.”

“I think it’s important to acknowledge how vulnerable you made yourself to her at that time,” Joseph said, reclining his chair back and exhaling a cloud of cigarette smoke.

“She made me feel like it was safe to do so,” Ethan reasoned. “Hell, I wanted to do this with her the moment she first called me ‘sir’. I wasn’t kidding when I told her it drove me crazy. But I think if I had given in to my impulses at that point, we wouldn’t have formed that bond we had established by the time I presented the contract to her. It still made me nervous, to be honest. So much so, I had considered backing out a few times in the seconds it took for me to take a few breaths.”

“I do have one question for you concerning this part of your tale,” Joseph said.

“Alright?”

“When she asked her question and bared her insecurities to you, why didn’t you just tell her you loved her then? She probably needed to hear it, that it was real for you as it would be for her.” Ethan laughed.

“She went skittish over the presentation of commitment in paper form, had I declared my eternal love for her in simple language, I fear I would have scared her off for good. But I felt that by showing her… Well, perhaps she would have taken it a bit better and understood more fully where I was coming from. Plus,” Ethan’s grin was mischievous as it spread across his face. “It would have been less fun. I ended up hearing a lot of new information about her desires during that interaction that I could never forget.”

“I see your point, your instincts seem to have been spot-on,” Joseph conceded, laughing. “I can see why you are successful in business, good instincts and good business go hand in hand.” Ethan bowed his head at the compliment.

“I hoped I wasn't coercing her into something she didn’t feel ready for. I spoke clearly, encouraging communication and even offered her an out, or a delay at least but she said she was ready to at least look at it. My hopes were high after that, and higher still when she began asking questions about different aspects of the contract. Her interaction with the options on the pages made me happier and happier, but there was a moment where I doubted whether or not she was happy for the interruption of the nurse.”

“Did she display any outward signs of being grateful for the distraction?”

“No, not really. It was more a feeling, more a fear than anything. I dwelled a bit on it, to tell you the truth. I wondered if she was doing this with me just to make me happy, or to keep me around, or whatever the reason other than genuine want to be with me this way.”

“What would you have done if you found out this was going on?” Ethan stilled for a moment.

“I still would have given her the world, had she but asked. I wouldn’t have pushed upon her any of the sexual or lifestyle aspects of being her Dominant, not until she begged me with sincerity. I hoped upon hope it was my insecurity leading me to believe she didn’t want this to make her happy.

“Then she touched me, called me ‘sir’ and invited me back to the conversation of the contract. I gave her ample… distractions to consider but she beelined to the papers each time. It still took me a bit to get back to the contract, before I was fully convinced.

“And then we celebrated the best way we could at that time,” Ethan smiled softly at the memory playing in his head. Her smell, her voice, the softness of her skin.

“How did the planning for her mother go? Were you able to set her up at your facility or did you have to take her someplace else?” Joseph asked, shaking Ethan out of his thoughts.

“It took some work to get specialists into place. I mean, there are people equipped to handle Alzheimer’s patients in the facility, but I wanted the best for Petunia’s mother, and I didn’t trust anyone else to provide what she deserved.”

“Another thing you wanted to control?”

“I suppose if you put it like that.”

“So, I’ll ask Petunia’s question, if you don’t mind. I’m just not clear on the ‘why’ of everything. Why that particular woman, why that particular circumstance? She has a bit of baggage with her, she doesn’t come from your social status nor would you seem to have any culture in common, so what is it exactly that drew her to you and locked you in? Besides lust, of course,” Joseph chuckled.

“She breathed life into me. From the moment I meant her, I wanted her, like I said. But when I got to know her, and saw the layers that built her into this monumental woman, it was as if any other woman of my ‘social status’ wasn’t enough. They’d crumble if they were met with anything detrimental, whereas my darling grew stronger with each challenge.

“There’s no motive for her kindness, either. She didn’t expect to keep me around, she wasn’t trying to woo me with her body and mind so she could get into my pockets. She was a breath of fresh air, Joe. She was exactly who I needed to push me to be the best person I could ever hope to become.” Ethan sat back and took a deep breath with his eyes closed, trying to kill the lump that formed back in his throat at the ache of what he lost.

“They say you don’t know what you have until you don’t have it anymore. They’re wrong. I knew what I had in her. I knew what I had and how special she was. I hung onto her so tightly, I cherished every moment with her as though it was my last, and when she left…”

“Let’s take a moment and come back to that. Suffice it to say I'm satisfied with your answer, Ethan. It’s a rare woman that can make a man want to be more than he already is. Are you ready to continue where you left off?”

“I have to ask,” Joseph interrupted. “Did Petunia ever get counseling for trauma over the incident that ended with her breaking her leg?” Ethan stopped pacing the room and sat down in the designated chair to face the psychiatrist.

“No. Now that you mention it, I don’t think we ever came across that subject. Nor for her father’s death or her mother’s illness. Petunia was a machine when I met her, she remained very much so during our interactions.”

“I figured as much but didn’t want to assume, of course. I think she would have recovered from the events of that night quicker had she gotten help right away.” Ethan’s finger rubbed across his bottom lip as he sat deep in thought.

“I hadn’t even thought of that. Do you think it could have turned out differently for us if she would have gotten it?” Ethan looked hopefully at his friend.

“I’m unsure of that, no one could know about the ‘what ifs’ but wherever she is right now, I know she would be much happier if she were to go to counseling. Even temporarily.” Joseph stood and stretched, walking around his desk and back again.

“And the interaction with Madeline. Is this the same…”

“The very same.”

“Ah,” said Joseph, nodding. “What happened between you two again? Was it cataclysmic?”

“Not in the least. She was everything a woman of her standing promised, if not a little dangerous when it came to the more intimate details. Her manner was always on target, her words were always in play and she performed wonderfully when the time came for her to do so. But she didn’t have that… I don’t know, perhaps even then I knew I needed someone selfless and kind instead of someone who took for granted that they’d get the best out of life for no other reason than the luck of their birth.”

“Gratitude, maybe?”

“It’s hard to explain but not just gratitude. I didn’t even know why I discontinued her service to me when I did it. I just didn’t feel right with her. When she got to be too much for me, when she would hound me and batter me for explanations, I thought I had finally retreated to where she couldn't get to me.

“Her surprise visit to me rendered me speechless for a moment. She did the usual song and dance, trying first to seduce me into giving her another chance, then turned to reason when she noticed her advances weren’t going anywhere.

“I heard from her again after Petunia… left. Madeline wanted to fill that void and soothe my wounds, as she so delicately put it. I reminded her of my words, that under no uncertain circumstances would I ever put her under contract with me again.

“Curiously enough,” Ethan chuckled wryly. “It turns out she was so hard up for me because her family got wrapped up in some legal thing or other and they’re almost bankrupt. She knew about my finances and was looking for a new safety net in life.” He shook his head. “Fucking hell.”

“Well, at least that solves the mystery of why she was so clingy,” Joseph said. “She was a persistent lady, wasn’t she?”

“Indeed. But I had never expected Petunia to be so ruthless when it came to protecting her position with me.” Ethan grinned softly. “I couldn’t speak the entire time she tore into Madeline, as though Madeline weren’t a lady of standing but a common harlot after her husband. It was...Hehe…it was quite a thing to behold.”

“Did you feel any inclination that she was being too possessive over you in such a short time?”

“Not in the least. We’d been talking and flirting for a couple of months at this point. I would have understood if she didn’t feel as though it were her place, I was being patient with her at the time, giving her an adjustment period as we’ve only just signed the contract together. But the fact she decided to mark her territory, so to speak, helped me relax around her.”

“I’m just finding it hard to believe that you of all people would sit by and let Petunia wage verbal war against Madeline and not involve yourself in it. What was the real reason you stayed quiet throughout their conversation?” Ethan sat back and grinned at the man he’d known for years.

“You know me too well, old friend. I forget your profession makes it easy to spot false truths. I was speechless when Petunia began her rebuttals. But as I sat there, I saw her angry and, again, possessive and it brought a warmth in my heart, if I’m being honest. It may have also stroked a bit of my ego, knowing I was worth fighting for to her.”

“How did you feel when Madeline accused Petunia of wanting love in your companionship?” Joseph asked, sounding not the least surprised at Ethan’s answer.

“Heh, well… “ Ethan scratched the back of his head.

“You might as well spill, Ethan. I’ve got the time, my friend.”

“It was a mix of emotions. I adored this spitfire, catered to her, cared for her, bathed her, and fed her. I massaged her, waited for her, rocked her through nightmares, and coaxed her through so many intimate moments. I thought about it all within the space of a breath and realized that Madeline couldn’t have been more wrong; I was already in love with Petunia.

“I’d always been kind and considerate with everyone I encountered, this is true. But never before had I gone to such lengths for anyone in my life, the way I did for her. And if that’s not love, Doc, I don’t know what is.” Ethan sighed. “I should have said it right then and there. But I stayed silent. Like a craven child I hid the emotions that threatened to boil over the dedicated discipline I’m best known for because I didn’t want to chase her off.

“I didn’t want to be disappointed either, because what if she didn’t love me in return? All evidence pointed to the contrary but without hearing those words from her, one couldn’t be a hundred percent certain.”

“I see. It makes sense that you would be nervous about it. Things like that usually take time. So, you see this jealous side of Petunia, brings out the protective side of her, which is constructive and powerful. What about you, has she seen the jealous side of you as well?” Ethan hung his head.

“Regrettably so,” he sighed. “That didn’t come till weeks later. I set up something spectacular for her and… well I'm getting ahead of myself, dear friend. Allow me to backtrack and continue where I left off.”

Joseph nodded his head and picked his pen back up.

“Three months,” Ethan said, sitting back down in his chair to face Joseph. “That’s how long I kept the jewelry a secret. Something inside me told me that should I walk from the jewelry set, I would regret it.”

“That puts you around the first month of meeting her, Ethan.”

“I just… I knew.”

“You mentioned that you thought it was too soon to give them to her. Why did you press on?”

“I didn’t. I was going to give it up. I was going to tuck them away, and never mention the pieces again unless she decided to talk about it. I would have never sold them or anything, but I took a chance and the pain of what I perceived to be rejection was too great to want to face again.

“But then she spoke to me. Through her tears, through the obvious fear that gripped her, she spoke. And when she did, oh, my friend. To say I was elated is too far of an understatement.” Ethan smiled widely at the memory.

“Do you wish you’d waited?” Joseph asked.

“I was so caught up in the passion of the moment, the excitement of the fulfillment of the contract that I just acted. If I'd had it in my hands at that precise minute, Joe, I would have handed her the world for all the happiness I felt with her right then.”

“You always did feel passionately,” Joseph said, smiling softly.

“I don’t regret giving her the gifts when I did. She deserved them when she got them, and the fact that she felt the need to think over whether or not I deserved to have her to such a capacity, I don’t think she accepted them to make me happy. I’d like to believe she did it for herself too.”

Joseph nodded at Ethan’s words.

“Had you told her you loved her at this point?”

Ethan sat back, at a loss for words.

“Well, no.”

“This declaration of love of yours was everything but. The feeling was there, why not tell her then?”

Ethan shrugged.

“I guess… I suppose I told her how I felt, I didn’t consciously make the choice not to say the words. I just didn’t feel compelled to say them exactly that way.”

“Hm. Or, just for thought’s sake, what if it’s fear? She was made to face the fear of solid commitment with you which was difficult because of her past. But you’ve never had to face your fear of your heart getting completely trampled because you protect that little piece of yourself from everyone. You don’t say ‘I love you,’ because it would mean total control handed over to someone else, perhaps?”

“Shit,” Ethan cursed. “I hadn’t said the words to anyone since I was in business school. The woman, whose name failed me at the moment, broke my heart. Utterly destroyed my soul when I caught her with a flatmate.”

Joseph sat and grinned in slight victory over solving the puzzle that was his friend.

“Are you fit to continue?”

Ethan nodded. “I could go all day into the night, to be honest. As much as it pains me, I love talking about her.”

“She was everything I’d ever hoped for in a partner,” Ethan said softly to Joseph while looking at his hands. “Of course, she was just an incredible person before we actively began our contractual relationship, but I never knew just how perfect for me she would be until that night. She took the gentle with the crazy at the drop of a hat, without so much as a whimper.

“I’ve only ever worked with experienced partners, it isn’t in me to break anyone into the lifestyle, but for her to take what she did, as she did…”

“I’ve had a few clients who lived the lifestyle and something in your tale confused me a little, would you mind clearing it up for me, just for curiosity’s sake?” Joseph asked. Ethan nodded. “Sometimes I hear about the dominant partner giving or making their submissive give them upwards of dozens of climaxes throughout a scene. Yet, you described this encounter with Ms. Barlowe to me, stating that the number you’d given her was five, and to get her there took a long while. Was she slow to respond or was that something you did on purpose?”

Ethan grinned.

“No, um…actually it was one of the most shocking things I’d ever encountered. I thought about going fast with her, allowing one climax to lead into the next and all that. But because I wanted to see what her limits were, I backed off each time she went through one. And her body responded exactly as I needed it to.

“Once a woman goes through a climax, normally if you back off for about a second then go in again with manipulation, you’d be able to get her to reach that high over and over. The trick for Petunia was to start over each time. I take away the stimulation and just guide her to focus on her breathing, kiss here and there, sometimes bury myself into her, and hold her close until I am ready to get her to reach that high once more. And it was work, my friend. We went at this for close to two hours. Two hours, for five orgasms!”

Joseph chuckled as he took some notes and looked back up at his friend.

“Thank you for clarifying. So, were things awkward the morning after your first scene together?” Ethan shook his head.

“Quite the contrary. We woke up tangled together in the bed, my legs and arms intertwined with hers, our foreheads pressed together… And I didn’t want to be away from her for any reason after that. I couldn’t get enough. I thought I was addicted before this, that was child’s play.

“We began going out during the day. Picnics, matinee movies, luncheons, coffee houses, bookstores; you name it, we went there. My work was put on the backburner for the minor things, but when I had to be involved I would make it quick in my office and get right back to her as soon as I could. I’d half expected her to shove me away, tell me I was smothering her or at least let her breathe but she never did. Even as she visited her mother each day, she’d be just as excited to see me afterward as I was to see her, on those rare occasions that I didn’t go with her, of course. And the more I realized she wanted me around as much as I wanted to be around her, the more I became comfortable with being… clingy.”

“It sounds like you were in heaven,” Joseph smiled. Ethan nodded.

“We still fought about silly things. Each time I wanted to spend money on her, she’d insist it was too much. She wasn’t an extravagant sub by any means, and it was difficult at times not to pour my money into things for her on a whim.

“After a while, she got used to getting new things here and there, and I got used to spending only on occasion things that I knew she’d love. It was a compromise we settled into, a lifestyle whose novelty never grew old.”

“If this was the worst she’s seen you, Ethan, she doesn’t have any reason to fear you,” Joseph said to his silent friend.

“That wasn’t the worst she’s seen me,” Ethan answered. “With the whole picture event, that was trivial compared to what came next.”

“So we’ll back up a bit, then. Tell me what went through your head when you received the pictures. I’m assuming she was right and that you were in meetings when you first received them?”

Ethan grinned.

“Right in the middle of a multi-billion dollar deal and my sweet darling, who’d never shown any side of herself to this extent, sends me boudoir pictures. I was floored. I’m telling you, she could have been the downfall to the whole exchange and I don’t think I could have ever held it against her.”

“Did you keep the pictures on your phone, after she left?”

“Bloody right I did,” Ethan answered quickly. “I still have them, though I haven’t had the courage to look at them since… well since the end, truly. I just can’t bear to let them go.”

“Understandable. Now, break down the events of that moment, where you first saw the last picture she sent.” Ethan shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

“I’d lost all focus of the meeting at that point, and eagerly awaited her third picture. I wondered why she wasn’t as quick to respond as she was previously and part of me wondered if she was trying different poses and questioning herself. When I finally received the message and opened up the picture, I was floored, knowing immediately what I was looking at. I knew that face, I’ve made her make that face before and my head swam a little with an overwhelming need to just get to her and solve a ‘sudden problem that popped up’.

“Then I looked for her eyes, the best part of her expression when she orgasms is in her eyes. That connection that speaks to me of unity between the two of us comes from her eyes. And they were closed. She shut me out, locked me out of this experience of pleasure that she should not have. I’ve told her time and again to open them, to let me in, let me join you in every way, not just bodily but almost spiritually as well.

“I was fueled but not with rage, but a similar fire. My sweet darling almost set me back in time, to where we weren’t even together but I was chasing her; back to a time where she wasn’t fully mine. And she was truly and fully mine. I felt her brat energy, that delicate tendril of tantalizing defiance which never fails to bring out the beast in me. I’ve felt her submissive energy, begging to be led.

“And it was my fault. It all ended up being my fault for my outburst. She didn’t know. It wasn’t as if I spelled it out in the contract, no one had ever had the effect on me to do so before so the contract was pretty much set to default. But I should have been more up-front with her.”

“Were you ever afraid you were going to hurt Daniel for doing what he was doing to her?”

“What Daniel did to her in the pose was exactly what I paid for him to do. I cannot fault someone for doing their job. She’s a beautiful woman and he was an eager slave, it made her happy so I was happy. The issue truly lay in the fact her eyes were closed off to mine.”

“And when you came to the hotel?”

“The first chance I got, I raced to it. I begged for an hour-long lunch, which no one objected to, and I left as quick as I could. The look on her face when I walked through the door, the sudden defiance in her voice, regrettably, turned me on more. When she said I was scaring her, I… wanted to keep doing it.” The last part was said in almost a whisper. “I wanted to take her right then and there, demanding her eyes never close, press myself into her and never release her, not for all the meetings and all the money in the world.”

“But you held your composure.”

“I did. And when she came again, staring those amazingly gray-blue eyes into my very own, I swear to you what I was looking at was heavenly. Not in any ridiculous form, but true heaven. Something untouchable, so magnificent that lowly mortals such as I were unworthy of being a part of. It consumed me as he consumed her, and all I could do was stare. She was a work of art, the whole scene was artistry at its finest.

“And just like that, looking into her eyes as she reached the pinnacle of pleasure, I was whole again. Just like that.” Joseph smiled softly and took a long drag at the cigarette in his hand.

“If this was the worst she’s seen you, Ethan, and she’s forgiven you about it, why beat yourself up over it?” he asked his silent friend.

“That wasn’t the worst she’s seen me,” Ethan answered. “With the whole picture event, that was trivial compared to what came next.”